More News on the Radiation Front

My radiation oncologist called this afternoon.  It seems that there is a possibility that there may be a better machine in Albuquerque to do the radiation than the one in Santa Fe.  He called to ask me for permission to contact them and see about my going there for radiation.  Here's what that could mean:

• The other machine is supposed to be able to better pinpoint where the radiation hits, but my doc was going to check and make sure this was true.
• The docs in Albuquerque need to agree with the conclusions my radiation and medical oncologists have drawn about where to put the radiation before my current docs will agree to having me go to Albuquerque.
• The docs in Albuquerque will have to be able to get me in in a timely manner (meaning, soon) in order to keep me on schedule.
• The docs in Albuquerque will have to be able to prove that the change of venue would indeed make a significant difference in the radiation treatment to warrant my going that distance at this time of  year.

I was a bit taken aback by all of this today.  I had all my ducks in a row, and now they have been scattered across the pond!  I came to a place of peace about all of this yesterday in church - God had these songs lined up yesterday for worship:

•  "Come, Now is the Time to Worship" - I asked Him to help me focus on Him during the service rather than my fears and worries
• "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms" - one of my favorite hymns, and this is where God really began to speak.  One of the verses says, "What have I to dread?  What have I to fear? Leaning on the Everlasting Arms; I have blessed peace with my Lord so near, leaning on the Everlasting Arms."  At that moment, God whispered to my heart, "Am I still near?"  "Yes, Lord!" was my swift reply.  "Then why are you afraid?"  I had no answer.
• "Your Grace is Enough" - once again, He whispered to me, "Has my grace changed?"  "No, Lord!" was my swift reply.  "Then why are you worried?  My plan remains the same.  No matter what happens now or in the future, it is not a surprise to Me.  It has been filtered through My fingers.  And My strength will not change - it is from everlasting to everlasting, just as I AM, and it will continue to sustain you no matter what happens, now or in the future."
• "Lord I Need You" - I sang this through tears, with all my heart
• "It is Well With My Soul" - again, lots of tears, as I once again placed everything back in His capable Hands.

I was emotionally wrung out yesterday after church.  I spent the afternoon emotionally and spiritually resting (wrestling matches make you tired!).  I had another round of chemo this morning, and expressed to my medical oncologist some of my concerns, although I was clear with him that I was at peace with doing radiation.  He said he thought I needed better information from my radiation oncologist....and then I got the phone call this afternoon.  Makes me think they talked!

Although the radiation in Albuquerque sounds good on the surface, I am a bit concerned about traveling that far.  For those of you who don't live here, the trip to Santa Fe (where I was - maybe still am - supposed to have radiation) is about 45 min.; the trip to Albuquerque is 1 1/2 to 2 hours, depending on what part of Albuquerque we're talking about and traffic and weather.  We hit the time change this weekend, so it gets dark here about 5:00.  Add to that that we are in an El Nino year, and we are already seeing the effects of that here in Los Alamos.  Getting stuck in Albuquerque due to weather is a much more real scenario than getting stuck in Santa Fe due to weather.  There is also the fact that I would get back from Albuquerque quite a bit later than I would get back from Santa Fe, even if we can keep my appointment time the same as it is now.  That will make getting my grading and planning done during the week more difficult.  So - this is not a small decision.  If I were to put it in speech/debate terms, there is a cost-benefit analysis that needs to happen, and it needs to happen quickly.

My radiation oncologist was going to try and get in touch with the Albuquerque docs this afternoon and hoped to give me some kind of direction tomorrow.  I'll be in class tomorrow, and unable to pick up my phone while class is going on.  That means I'll have to call him back during one of my breaks if he calls during class (I know my admin would totally understand if I picked up the call during class, but it wouldn't be an easy conversation to have while I have students in front of me....).

SO - please pray for wisdom for the docs - and for us.  I haven't been asked for my opinion/permission on much of anything up to this point, and now that I am being asked, it's a tough call to make.  There are lots of things to weigh, and while I want what is best for my health, the stress of traveling daily to Albuquerque, particularly if we have weather like we're expecting, may offset any potential benefits in getting treatment there.

Leaning on those Everlasting Arms harder than ever,
Sherri