FINAL Chemo! Yippee!!

THIS was my calendar page today!  I love this particular illustration of Mary's, but the fact that it fell on this day, when I have my final, final chemo, when I am, figuratively and literally, throwing my hats up in the air, was one more example to me of God's care in the details of this part of my journey!

I am, currently, sitting in chemo as I type this.  Everyone is excited with me that it is my final time to come in - the nurses have been wonderful, and I will miss them, but it's awesome to know that I am finally DONE with my treatments!!

Yesterday, I made cinnamon rolls to bring to the nurses and doctor as a thank you and to celebrate:

The Dough

Dough and Rolling

More Rolling

On the pan

Rising before going in the oven

Baked and ready for icing :)

They've been a big hit at chemo - I took enough to share with the other patients as well, and so far, everyone is enjoying them.  Of course, I made enough to leave at home for Steve and Nate too. 

Mom and Dad sent me these cool pink socks at Christmas.  I wore them today for my FINAL chemo :D  Although you can't really see it in this picture, they have the words, "Love" "Faith" and "Hope" scattered around among the butterflies.

Here I am - in my FINAL round of chemo!!  Look a bit different than when I started a year ago, but it's DONE!!

I have been in a very surreal place these past couple of weeks as I've thought about the fact that I am about to complete my cancer treatment.  It's kind of hard to believe!  It's also made me reflective.....

A year ago, I was given the devastating news that I had breast cancer.  I remember thinking at the time how difficult it was to hear such dark news as the world around me was coming back to life.  Buds were everywhere; bulbs were either coming up or blooming.  I wondered if I would even see this spring.  Friends sent me a gift of bulbs, telling me they wanted me to plant them in the fall because they fully anticipated my still being here this spring.  I needed that at that time - someone else believing for me that I'd still be here a year later.  While I fully trusted God with whatever He had in store, He never guarantees that things will end the way we want them to...and while I know Where I am going and Who holds me, I wasn't quite ready to leave this life just yet.  It was a very, very hard time.

Yesterday, our pastor preached on Luke 24:36-43.  This is one of the passages after the Resurrection when Jesus appeared to the disciples.  The pastor spoke about how the disciples thought they were seeing a spirit, or ghost, and how Jesus began making sure they understood that He was not a ghost, but truly there in physical, bodily form by showing them His hands and feet.  Then, verse 41 says, "While they still could not believe it because of their joy and amazement..."  The pastor mentioned that he didn't understand how they could be full of joy and amazement, but still not believe.  A little over a year ago, I would have agreed with him.  But yesterday, I thought, "I get it - I know exactly how they could feel those conflicting emotions all at once....how they could be amazed and full of joy, yet still have a hard time believing their eyes and ears."  Here's why: one year ago, I'd had a lot of bad news.  I was fully expecting to lose a breast.  Mom had already been looking into how to sew bras that disguise the loss, and she'd made a pillow for me to use under my arm after surgery (something she'd found on Pinterest that was suggested as a good idea for women who'd had a mastectomy).  Yet when I went in to meet with the surgical oncologist, one of the first things she said was, "You don't necessarily have to lose a breast - you have options."  I sat there stunned...."amazed."  I sat there filled with a tentative joy.  And I sat there in disbelief.  Everything I'd read up to that point led me to believe there were no options; she was offering me something so far outside the realm of my understanding, so far beyond what I'd expected, so completely not what I believed to be possible, that I couldn't believe it.  I'd had so much bad news up to that point that this bit of good news felt huge and overwhelming and hard to believe.  Which is what I believe those disciples were feeling.  They'd had a lot of bad news up to this point - they'd seen their Messiah taken away, beaten, crucified....dead.  All they'd hoped for was over.  Although they'd heard Jesus say that all of these things had to happen, they didn't really understand it in the moment.  They truly believed everything was over.  So seeing Jesus suddenly in their midst was stupefying.  To convince the disciples, Jesus repeated what he'd said and ate a piece of fish; to convince me, the doctor repeated what she'd said and began to explain what my options were.  And like the disciples, I began to believe there could be good things to come out of all the bad, and that what I was hearing was true.

I have learned so much through having cancer, through this part of my journey:

• Cancer isn't always a death sentence.
• Everyone's experiences, treatment, and outcome for cancer is not the same.
• Slowing down isn't the most horrible thing in the world.
• Taking a day off school every now and again doesn't cause my classes to come to a grinding halt. 
• When you are willing to look, you can find God's Hand in much more than you might have expected.
• God has a purpose in ALL things He brings or allows into your life.  You may not always know why He has brought or allowed something, but you can usually see lessons He's trying to teach you through each part of your journey, if you are attentive.
• People are generally kind, but when you have cancer, they bend over backwards to help you and make sure you are cared for.
• People's thoughtfulness and care can come in unexpected ways and from unexpected places.
• There are many, many women who have successfully walked this road before me, and their stories are as cool, comforting, and unique as mine.
• Balance is very important.  I don't ever again want to allow my job, as fantastically awesome as it is, to supersede my ability to spend time with friends and family.

Now, for today's praises:

• The last few of times I've been in for my chemo, they've had difficulty drawing blood from my port.  Three times ago, they moved the needle, and got it to work; two times ago, they had to flush it several times, but managed to get it to work; last time, nothing they did would get it to allow the blood to flow, so they had to draw blood from my hand (I have Dad's veins, so they are hard to get to on my arms, and now that I've had the lumpectomy, they can't do anything on that side of my body anyway, which leave just the one arm as a possibility).  If you've never had blood drawn from your hand, or had an IV in your hand, you are lucky!  I had to do this when Nate was born because they couldn't get an IV into either of my arms.  It is super painful!!  So I have been praying that they would be able to get the port to work on this final chemo.....and God was good - they were able to draw blood using the port this morning!!  Hallelujah! 
• I started with a wonderful medical oncologist in Santa Fe, and then changed doctors when I chose to have my chemo up here.  When he moved to Oregon, my original doctor was the "fill-in" until they found someone permanent.  I had another new doc last time I was in for chemo, but was told that the new doc and my original doc would be trading off in coming up here.  I prayed that I would get to see my original doc for this final chemo, and again, God answered that prayer with a "yes" - she was my doc today!!  Hallelujah!
• I am completely finished with my cancer treatments, and Lord willing, I will never have to do this again.  The doc last month told me that with my specific type of breast cancer, it rarely recurs, and since I had a complete response to the chemo, the odds of my having cancer again are extremely slim.  That was very good news!  But I know that if God chooses to allow this into my life again, He will once again use if for my good and His glory.

So what's left?

• I have to get my port out, which I'll do in early June so it doesn't interfere with school.  
• I'll go in next month to have the port flushed (when you leave it in you have to have it flushed once a month until you get it out).  
• I will meet with the medical oncologist once every three months for the next year, and I'll have regular (more than yearly) mammograms for the next three years.  
• Once I've been cancer free for five years, life will go back to normal.  
• And the doc told me today that although my nails should be back to normal now (they're not), the "chemo brain" (that forgetfulness I've been experiencing since early in the chemo) will likely continue to be an issue for the next 2-3 years.  Years.  That was a big surprise.  I'm not terribly excited about that, but I guess given how things could have been, it's a small price to pay....

Prayer requests:

• Completion of my National Board Certification: I started on this three years ago.  I was 12 points short of achieving when the scores came out late in November of 2014.  You have three years to complete the process, and I began to redo some entries right away in 2014.  But then the cancer hit in the spring of 2015 and I had to drop out.  I was given a "deferral," and I restarted the process at the beginning of this school year.  I feel fairly good about what I've gotten ready.  Entries are due May 18, so I have a little over a month to complete my entries and get them turned in - and that's a little nail-biting!  Would you please pray for clarity of thought as I try to get these completed?  I would like to get this finished for good this time around!
• Port removal: please pray with me that I can get this done in early June.  I have two trips for school planned for June, and I'd like to get this out and be mostly healed before I take those trips.

As I conclude this cancer journey, I say with Isaiah,
"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
 because the LORD has anointed me......
            To grant those who mourn in Zion,
            Giving them a garland instead of ashes,
            The oil of gladness instead of mourning,
            The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting.
            So they will be called oaks of righteousness,
            The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified." Isaiah 61:1, 3

Shout for joy with me at the garland of praise I have been given in place of ashes, the oil of gladness that has replaced my mourning, the mantle of praise instead of the spirit of fainting (and boy, did I feel the fainting while I was on the ooky chemo!!)!!  And pray for those whose news hasn't been as good as mine - cancer is a tough road, no matter how it ends, and while I am extremely grateful for all I have been given throughout, I cannot help but think of those who know that cancer will eventually end their lives.  Pray for their comfort and the comfort of their families.  And if you are so inclined, give to cancer research.  The drug that saved my life was only discovered five short years ago - before that, this type of cancer was a death sentence.

I will continue to blog, and have 3-4 new ideas for things I want to post, hopefully sooner rather than later, but I want to finish my Boards first (can't really put that off too much at this point).  For now, rejoice with me -

To God be the Glory, great things He has done....
Sherri