One Bad Thing, One Good Thing

Yesterday, I wanted to get on to post something, but I had a massive headache, probably due to little sleep the night before and having to miss my morning tea (and thus my morning dose of caffeine) due to the PET scan.  They put you on a high protein, no carbs or sugar, diet for 24 hours prior to the PET scan.  The only thing you can drink is water.  So, yesterday morning when I got up, I was mentally bemoaning the fact that I had so few choices, and especially bemoaning the fact that I couldn't have my morning tea.  But then I thought, "Hey, wait....this is turning into a whine-fest.  I've got to turn this around."  So, I decided to institute something I figure I will use a lot in the next year.  I'm calling it, "One Bad Thing, One Good Thing."

For each bad thing I want to whine about, I have to find one good thing to say too.  I know there will probably be a lot I will want to gripe about as this year progresses, but I don't want it to be my focus, and I want to keep the bad stuff in perspective.

So yesterday, as I came to this conclusion, I was able to find something good in my weird diet: it was only for 24 hours.  That helped me remember that although my diet was very limited, there are people around the world who would still consider those limits a feast since they have much less choice than I do....and that won't change for most of them in 24 hours.  Clean water is a luxury for many.   So, as bad as my "one bad thing" was to me, it still wasn't nearly as bad as life in general is for many in the world.

I am very thankful to live in a place with so many choices.  May I never  forget how truly blessed I am.

With gratitude for choices and great doctors,
Sherri

Thoughts on a Wednesday

So....this cancer thing.....yeah.

I continue to try and wrap my head around it.  Most days, I can almost convince myself it's happening to someone else....until I feel the pull of the glue they used to suture my port incision closed.....or accidentally bump the lump....or cough and feel the port catheter residing in my neck.  Then it becomes all too clear that I am the one in the middle of this....I am the one who has somehow contracted this disease, been given this diagnosis, become a woman with a label I never sought or wanted.

I have friends who've mentioned that I am now part of an exclusive club no one wants to join.  I believe that is called "understatement."

So....how do I deal with this?  How do I survive emotionally and mentally as I traverse what promises to be a very long road?  Like I have done all my life: with perseverance grounded in my relationship with my Savior. 

Writing has always been a way for me to process my thoughts and feelings....to express, even if only to myself, my fears, frustrations, joys, victories and defeats.  Often I have shared those thoughts with others, and often I find that in that sharing, others express their own identification with my personal struggles.  In that shared experience, we are then able to aid and strengthen one another.  It is my hope and prayer that that will be the case with the posts I'll make to this blog over the course of this journey.  

Please know that if you choose to follow me on this journey, or come alongside me, you will hear my heart.  You will hear the anguish when I have a "dark night of the soul." You may hear despair, sorrow, pain, and fear.  But you will also hear joy, encouragement, hope, and my testimony of my Father's faithfulness.  Because it is through His strength alone that I will not only survive but thrive through this experience.

If you are up for a wild and crazy ride....if you want to get an up close and personal look at one woman's journey through cancer....if you are open to hearing my hurts and heartaches alongside my continued praise of and faith in my Savior......I  invite you to join me.  It won't all be pretty, but it will be unforgettable.

Resting in His Everlasting Arms,
Sherri

Murderous Dogs....

“You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not commit murder’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.” Matthew 5:21-22

So, last week, we were responsible for the care and well-being of our neighbors’ three pets. They’d gone out of town and asked us to take care of their parakeet, bunny, and dog. We’ve done this before, although the bunny and parakeet are rather new members of their household. Lotti and Nate get quite a charge out of being in charge, and thoroughly enjoy the additional responsibilities caring for these three diverse pets brings. To that end, they decided to take the dog for a walk last Sunday afternoon.

It was a beautiful autumn day, practically perfect weather for almost anything, but particularly for a walk. The kids decided to take the path behind the houses up to Chamisa. They made it there, and were preparing to come back, when a man and his dog came from the opposite direction. The two dogs took an instant disliking to one another, and each began to let the other know in no uncertain terms how he (or she) felt. After some work on the parts of my children and the owner of the other dog, the dogs were separated with no one hurt…yet. At that point, the man began to harshly chastise my children, and my son in particular (since he was the one holding the leash). He yelled at them and called them irresponsible; he told them they shouldn’t have “their” dog out if they couldn’t control her; he placed all the blame for the incident squarely on the slim shoulders of one ten-year-old and one fourteen-year-old, never accepting any responsibility for his own dog’s equal fervor in the fray. Both my children came home upset and visibly shaken; Nate cried, and said he didn’t want to walk the dog anymore because he didn’t want to get into trouble again.

Now, I’ll be honest. After getting my son calmed down, I spent the next several hours mentally composing a scathing “Letter to the Editor” addressing “the bonehead who verbally accosted my children on the path behind Chamisa on 10/14.” I had thought through various other titles to give this miscreant, my first inclination being to call him an “idiot”; but then I thought that might be too strong. I then considered calling him a “lunkhead”, but decided I would use that moniker later in the letter. I finally decided on “bonehead”, feeling it fit exactly how I felt about the person who had caused my son so much emotional anguish. As I mentally put the letter together, I made sure he understood exactly how his words and actions made my children feel; how he scared them as much as, or even more than, the dog fight. I reminded him that he was the adult in the situation, and that while my children had done as he wished and told me what had happened, it did not receive the response he expected. Somewhere in there, I called him a “jerk”, and finished by saying something like, “You, sir, are no gentleman; you are a bully of the highest degree, whose insensitivity and harshness show your demeanor to be much like that of your dog.” I wrote and re-wrote that letter in my head all of Sunday afternoon and evening, feeling completely justified in doing so because of the brutish way he belittled my children. Then came Monday.

On Monday morning, I sat down to continue our study of Matthew 5. As most of you know, the first verses in the lesson were those found at the top of this page. The words “good-for-nothing” are one translation of the word “Raca”. Do you know what another English translation of that word is? Bonehead! Here’s what a couple of commentators had to say: “[This was] a term of abuse that attacked a person’s intelligence. Some proposed English translations include ‘nitwit’, ‘blockhead’, ‘stupid’, ‘moron’, numbskull’, and ‘bonehead’. The word translated ‘fool’ is likely from an Aramaic word meaning ‘empty’. It was used as a derogatory term similar to ‘dummy’. The word for ‘fool’ is commonly translated ‘moron’, showing the terms…had similar meanings. The first refers to an empty mind, the second to a slow mind…. Both were strong terms of contempt used among the Jews in Jesus’ time.” And here I thought I’d been somewhat kind! In my mental letter to this guy, I had used nearly all these terms and ideas. After all, only someone who was a complete idiot (stupid, a dummy, empty-headed) could have behaved in such a fashion, I reasoned. But these verses, and their meanings, caught me up short.

In the beginning of Matthew 5, Jesus describes the qualities that are to characterize citizens of His Kingdom in what are often called The Beatitudes. In verses 21-22, He gives a non-example of how those qualities are to be lived out. As one who claims to be a Kingdom citizen, when I look at this man, my response should be shaped by those qualities: I should be full of humility: I am no better than he (poor in spirit); his attitude should break my heart because of what he seems to lack: a relationship with Jesus that would temper his words and actions (mourning for him); my words and thoughts toward him should be full of compassion and grace (gentle, merciful, peacemaking); and my desire should be not for him to feel the pain of my vengeful anger, but the love of my Almighty God (hunger and thirst for righteousness). Rather than demeaning this man and characterizing him based on my feelings, if I can respond in a way that honors God eternally, rather than one that satisfies me momentarily, my heart will remain pure, His Will will be done, and I will be blessed of my Father. This experience has reminded me that I truly am no better than this guy…according to these verses, I mentally murdered him (I was really proud of that closing sentence to my mental letter!). By His grace, I will learn to respond to these kinds of people and circumstances in a way that will cause my Father to say to me, “Well done, good and faithful servant”, rather than letting my attitude go to the dogs.

Seeking His good Will and pleasure,
Sherri

What D'Ya Know?

“Yet you, his son Belshazzar, have not humbled your heart, even though you knew all this…” Daniel 5:22

“What d’ya know?” It’s a phrase I (and others) often use in greeting instead of “How’s it going?” or “How are ya’ doin’?” The typical response is usually something like, “The sky is blue”, or “2+2=4”, or even “As little as possible”! I never ask that question expecting an answer that actually reflects all the questioned individual knows!

But have you ever noticed how often life subtly asks us that question and expects not a rote repetition of rules, regulations, and routines, but a response that acts upon our knowledge? For example, when the alarm goes off in the morning, the expectation is that we not only know how to turn off the alarm, but what to do after we turn it off. When we get into our vehicles, it is anticipated that we not only know how to turn them on, but all the necessary rules and how to follow them as we drive. Throughout our day, we run up against situations where we are expected not just to know the rudimentary basics, but how to apply those basics to reach a reasonable conclusion. The knowledge is important, but the application is what makes it useful. This was a lesson that apparently eluded King Belshazzar.

Daniel makes it clear in Daniel 5 that Belshazzar was well acquainted with all that had happened to Nebuchadnezzar. Given the fact that there were only 6 years between Nebuchadnezzar’s death and the time Belshazzar took the throne, many scholars believe Belshazzar had more than a passing knowledge of Nebuchadnezzar’s “final exam”. Many believe he was part of the nobility who witnessed Nebuchadnezzar’s most humbling experience, his return to sanity, and his praise and recognition of the One True God. The problem is, Belshazzar never took it beyond knowledge to application. For him, what happened to Nebuchadnezzar was simply a contemporary history lesson, nothing that he needed to apply to himself. And so, he never did; and it cost him his life.

The warning in the story of Belshazzar seems clear. The real question is not, “What d’ya know?”, but “What are you doing with what you know?” If I know how to turn off the alarm clock, but then roll over and go back to sleep, what is the real point of the alarm? If I know all the laws and rules for driving and ignore them, or figure they don’t apply to me, eventually I’m bound to learn otherwise, thanks to the dedication and persistence of the men and women in blue! In the same way, if the whole point of Bible study for me is simply to gain more knowledge, I become nothing more than a walking lexicon. I am no better than Belshazzar because the lessons are never applied…my spiritual eyes are never opened…my heart is never humbled. It is only through actively seeking to understand what God is trying to teach me through His Word that I learn to apply it…that I begin to not only know the Word, but to know THE Word.

Seeking to know Him and all His ways,

Sherri

Recognizing the Signs

“I, Nebuchadnezzar, was at ease in my house and flourishing in my palace. I had a dream, and it frightened me; while in my bed, the images and visions in my mind alarmed me.” Daniel 4:4-5

Have you noticed the signs? There’s more of a nip in the air (when I left to take Lotti to the bus this morning at 7 a.m., the thermometer said it was 38 degrees!). Some of the leaves have begun to change color. The pollen count is up. And, a sure sign that Autumn has arrived: my kids don’t complain about wearing a jacket to school…they actually request one!!

God had been giving Nebuchadnezzar signs for years. The king had heard Daniel not only interpret a disturbing dream, but describe the dream first! He saw the 3 men he’d tossed into the fiery furnace walk around, be joined by a fourth who looked like a “son of the gods”, then exit a fire so hot it had killed some of his own men, yet left not even a hint of smoke on their clothes. In every instance, he came to understand more of Who this God was. He marveled at the power of this God, recognized that He should be respected, and that He was a God who had answers and was willing to share them. But despite all that, Nebuchadnezzar never understood the signs he saw as communication with him personally. God was the God of the Israelites…He was Daniel’s God. Nebuchadnezzar had his own gods, and he never even considered that this Almighty God would ever desire to pursue him. Until the events of Daniel 4.

Nebuchadnezzar got the “mother of all signs” when God sent him a dream in which he was made to act like an animal for seven “periods of time”. While the dream itself was disturbing (the idea of eating grass for any length of time is disturbing to me!), he apparently still didn’t comprehend that God was really talking to him…Nebuchadnezzar continued on his way until he had fulfilled every part of that dream. Only then did he realize that God wanted him…that God wanted his praise and worship…that God wanted recognition not only as Daniel’s God, but as his God too.

It is tempting to criticize (and even ridicule!) Nebuchadnezzar for missing all the signs God placed before him. I want to think that if I had had dreams like he did, and had them interpreted as he did, that I would respond differently. Yet every day, God uses things all around me to try and get my attention. That nip in the air…the change in the color of the leaves…even the escalating pollen count…subtle signs I use to recognize that Autumn is here. But if that’s as far as I take it, I’ve missed the point. All those signs also point to the magnificence of a God Who wants to be recognized and praised, not just as the Changer of the Seasons, but as MY God. Maybe that’s why God had to use strange and disturbing dreams to get Nebuchadnezzar’s attention…he’d ignored the subtle things. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to have to live through some kind of judgment (bizarre or simply embarrassing!) just because I ignored the signs God put up for me to see. I want to recognize each and every one of those subtle signs for what they are: a praise offering to the One God Who has also made Himself my God.

In praise of His glorious grace,
Sherri

Normalcy

“Now among them from the sons of Judah were Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah.” Daniel 1:6

Normalcy: a line of days marked by their lack of anything other than the expected routine of those days. Some might call it boring. I guess if it went on interminably, I might agree. But right now, I could go for a little normalcy…a line of days with no big bumps in the road…a stretch of time long enough for me to yearn for the excitement and anxiety of the unexpected. Right now, normalcy seems more like an elusive dream than a possible reality.

Daniel & Co. (a.k.a., Hananiah, Misheael, and Azariah, a.k.a., Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego) had spent several years with a distinct lack of normalcy. Removed from home, family, culture, and country, they found themselves almost immediately having to face challenges they never would have encountered had things remained within the status quo. A foreign diet, new names, a new language, foreign customs, a foreign king with great expectations, government positions in a foreign government, facing death because of those positions…I have to wonder if they didn’t sometimes long for a little run-of-the-mill, a few weeks with less adventure and more hum-drum, a stretch of time with more routine and fewer bumps in the road….normalcy.

The interesting thing is that each of those bumps was an opportunity; each of those unexpected adventures gave them the chance to stand up for what and Who they believed in, to choose to face the challenge with faith, and to grow in their understanding of and relationship with the One Who stood with them through it all. Through every bump and in the midst of every challenge, they found His grace to be more than enough, and His strength to be all the power they needed.

I still wouldn’t mind a few weeks of normalcy. But until the Father chooses to make that a reality, I’ll navigate the bumps and twists and turns of my life with a heart at rest: a heart deeply convinced that He is right beside me, upholding and undergirding me, ever whispering, “My grace is sufficient for you…”

Seeking Him even more than normalcy,
Sherri

Lotti the High School Band Member

Here she is, the intrepid flute player with the marching band. This is the stance they take as they come in, and having the head up, chin somewhat tilted, is very important. This is all the uniform except the white gloves (they didn't wear those for the first game since not everyone had them yet), and a fuzzy black and gold feather thing that attaches at the top of the gold piece on the helmet and follows the line of the helmet around to the back (over the top of the helmet). The band keeps those in a safe place and hands them out just before the kids take the field, and then takes them back up when they get back into the stands.


This shows Lotti as she really feels about band. Part of their training, however, was to keep that "stiff upper lip" she has in the first photo, even when cheered or razzed by parents and other loving onlookers!!










Here they come! I don't know if you can tell, but the drum majors are in the front in black and have sparkly sashes.




Here you can see Lotti. She's not quite in line, but she wasn't the only one, and it is the first game!






Here they are in the stands, getting ready to play. This is how they sit for every game.











And, they're playing!!







She's getting ready to take to the field for the 1st time...does she look nervous? Her mother had no earthly idea how the formations looked at the end of the performance, as she stayed completely focused on this one band member! Lotti did great, and is well on her way to becoming a fantastic band member!! It has been fun "re-living" marching band while I watch her, and she has caused a lump in more than one throat while watching her. Amazing she's this old! (Notice how much like Tyler she looks with her hair up?)