An Overview of the Aftermath of Chemo

We've been out of school now for about a week and a half.  In that time, I've had another round of chemo.  I walked you guys through what that looks like the first time I went in, but I thought you might be interested to know what life is like after a chemo round.  Some of  you have asked, so I figured maybe I'd put it out there for all of you.  Understand: this is what it's like for me.  It won't be this way for everyone.  I learned that super-quick in talking with others I know who are going through chemo now also (for example, one friend only has to deal with Metallic Mouth one day in the entire three week round).  And don't worry about it being graphic - it's not - that's not the point in doing this.  But I know many of you have been concerned about my energy levels and such, so I thought this would give you an idea of what those three weeks between getting the chemo treatments are like.  Ready?

Week 1: The Week When Uselessness Comes to Call

• Day 1: Get chemo.  Overall, I typically feel fairly good all day, although I confess to a bit of tiredness when I leave the hospital (probably from sitting in a chair doing almost nothing for several hours).  The hardest part is knowing how little I can get done while I'm sitting in that chair (yes, I know relaxation is important too, but those of you who know me know that "resting" is not one of my strong points).
• Day 2: I go in in the morning for a shot to boost my immune system.  After that, I spend most of the day, since I still have energy, taking care of things around the house to try and get as much done as possible before Uselessness comes to call.
• Day 3: Whatever didn't get done around the house or out-and-about gets done today or it doesn't get done for awhile.  This is the last day I'm going to feel like anything for several days.  Uselessness begins to hit late in the day without fail, and I typically go to bed fairly early.
• Day 4: Uselessness is large and in charge.  Ever had the flu?  That's what I feel like on Day 4.  It's an effort to do anything.  All I want to do is sleep, and while I sleep soundly when I sleep, it never feels like I have (slept) when I wake up.  I'm tired - really tired - and I don't have the ability to focus on anything.  The shot they gave me on Day 2 has begun to do its work, making my joints ache, mostly my jaw, knees, and hips.  It's that same feeling you get when you have the flu where if you could just stretch enough, you're sure that ache would go away - but you can't ever seem to stretch quite enough.  I spend the majority of the day on the couch under a blanket (yes, under a blanket - remember, flu :)).  Eating is tough because very little sounds good, and even less tastes good.  And frankly, I just. don't. care.  Like I said, Uselessness is totally in control on Day 4.  It is the absolute worst day of the entire three weeks. 
• Day 5: If Uselessness was 10 ft. tall on Day 4, he's about 8 feet tall on Day 5.  I can do small things (read part of a book, eat a little more - maybe even at the table instead of on the couch,  carry on a brief conversation with Steve or Nate), but not much, and nothing for long.  I stay on the couch under a blanket again, but I don't feel the need to sleep as much, and I begin to care just a little.
• Day 6: Uselessness continues to shrink (maybe 4 feet tall today), although he's not totally gone, and he loves to make sure I know he's not gone yet.  I wake up feeling as if I have more energy, but after transferring one load of laundry from the washer to the dryer and putting a new load in the washer, Uselessness envelops me again, and I have to go lay down.  It's pitiful, and in some ways makes me feel worse than on Day 4 since now I do care and feel as if I should be able to do more.  After resting, I can get up and do little simple things (another load of laundry, perhaps, or sitting at the table to eat).  But Uselessness enjoys his power, and he's not anxious to let go, so I can only do one thing and then I have to retreat to the couch and the blanket again.  At least I'm beginning to be able to eat a bit more and I can read or work puzzles on the couch.
• Day 7: Uselessness has his last hurrah.  I wake up feeling not as bad as Day 5 but not as good as Day 6.  This is the day when I'm most likely to be grumpy because I am tired of being tired, I'm tired of Uselessness, and I'm tired of having to deal with cancer.  My joints don't feel as if they'll support me - even holding up my head is work, but if I lay it back in the recliner, I can manage to read.  Uselessness laughs when he reminds me how I was able to do that one load of laundry yesterday morning, because today, that is beyond my abilities - the most I can do is lay back under a blanket and read.  But I remind him that his power is coming to an end.  He reminds me that nothing sounds or tastes good again today.  So much for my momentary victory.  But by the end of the day, I can feel him receding, and I go to bed knowing that, until the next round of chemo, he's gone.

Week 2: The Week When Metallic Mouth Marches In

• Day 8:  I wake up feeling almost normal again - it started last night, and I'm glad to know I was right - Uselessness is gone, for now.  As long as I don't push myself, I can do almost anything I like.  Unfortunately, Metallic Mouth has come marching in.  That means that my food tastes very off, and I have a lot of trouble finding things to eat.  The only things that taste true are fresh fruits and vegetables, and dairy.  Do you know how happy I am that it's summer???  There are so many fresh fruits and veggies to chose from, and they all taste normal!  I've also found that frozen fruit tastes normal.  But beef, pork, and chicken turn my stomach just thinking about them.  Fish is the only meat I can eat and not have issues.  I've even eaten fish sticks, which I normally abhor, and they taste good at this point.  I've also found that oatmeal and cream of wheat taste really good around supper time. 
• Day 9: If I was careful yesterday, I have a bit more energy today.  If I wasn't careful yesterday, it will catch up with me by late afternoon today.  Metallic Mouth is still around, so today runs very much like yesterday.  But at least there are some things that do sound and taste good.
• Day 10: I am finally back to as close to normal as I'm going to get - except for Metallic Mouth.  The good thing: he's not as strong in the morning.  The bad thing: he gets stronger as the day goes on, and he's pretty bad by supper.  The hardest part now is that chicken, beef, and pork begin to sound good, as well as other things (spaghetti, for example, or bean dip).  But when they're prepared, they don't taste right.  Metallic Mouth wins another round.
• Days 11-14: Slowly, little by little, Metallic Mouth recedes as the week continues.  My energy level continues to rise.

Week 3: My Strong Week

• Days 15-21: These are the days when, other than an occasional brief bout with Metallic Mouth, and still being bald, I'd never know I had cancer.  I feel like I did before the cancer.   My energy is normal and things generally sound good and taste normal. 

So - now you know.  I am extremely thankful that I only have three more rounds of chemo - I was 1/2 way done with chemo as of June 1!!  So - I'll only have to deal with Uselessness and Metallic Mouth for a bit longer, which is absolutely wonderful!  Hopefully the "cumulative effects of chemo" I keep hearing about won't extend the stay of Uselessness and Metallic Mouth in the next three rounds....

Thankful for summer with all the fresh fruit and veggie opportunites!
Sherri

A Plan Forward

I apologize that this has taken so long to get on the blog.  When I went back to school last week, I was very far behind, and with only two weeks left (as of last week), I really had to get caught up.  That was my first priority.  Thankfully, I am now caught up with school, but this is still a crazy week, being the last week and heading into Nate's graduation this weekend, so I'll keep this short and to the point.

My medical oncologist in Los Alamos, Dr. B, called me last Wednesday night, and after consulting with Kathy Miller (someone he greatly respects in the breast cancer field), they've decided to go with the status quo, meaning that we continue with the six chemo treatments (I've had two so far, and the final one will be in August).  At the end, we'll do a PET scan (oh joy, my favorite....).  If it comes back "fantastic," meaning clean, we will continue with surgery and radiation.  If it doesn't come back fantastic, we won't do surgery or radiation and will come up with a different plan.

He also asked about the tumor and if I could tell if it had shrunk more.  I told him it had, reviewing the size when it was first measured before chemo and the size after the first treatment.  He asked me if those were outside measurements, and I told him they were, that they were both done by his partner, Dr. L, my medical oncologist in Santa Fe.  I told him that since the second treatment it hasn't been measured, but it feels smaller to me through my own manual exam.  He asked me numerous times if I thought it was smaller, and I kept repeating that I thought it was - not as much as last time, but yes, smaller.  He did say that as we go, the degree/amount of shrinkage would likely be less dramatic (that "law of diminishing returns" thing).  He did seem to be more excited this time than last that it might be still shrinking, and he said he will measure it when I go in next.  

I am excited and extremely thankful that we are going to continue with the initial plan.  Through my own research, I found out that having cancer in your lymph nodes, even in the neck like mine, is considered Stage 3 by the American Cancer Society and the Mayo Clinic. among others.  They only call it Stage 4 when it has spread to someplace like the lungs, liver, brain, bones - someplace not connected to the original site where the cancer was found.  So I was ready to ask about calling this a Stage 4 if he decided to go that route.  He seemed reluctant to call this a Stage 3, but I have had a real peace about it for awhile now - my research just confirmed it.  Please pray for Dr. B.that he will also have peace of mind about this and that he will see God's hand at work in this.  I know he is trying to do what is truly best for me.

Once this week is over, I have four more "full" chemo treatments (meaning, two targeted drugs for my specific type of cancer and two "broad-range" drugs to kill anything else).  The dates of those are June 1, June 22, July 13, and August 3.  I will continue to have one of the targeted chemo drugs through April of next year, continuing on the once every three week schedule.  That drug will only take 30 min., and does not have all the nasty side effects of the broad range drugs.  So I hope to have some hair back by the time winter comes.  I am supposed to be back at school for registration August 4-5, then the first two workdays are August 6-7.  Our first day of school is August 13.  If I remember what the surgical oncologist told me, she will meet with me between Round 5 and 6 (meaning, between July 13 and August 3) to plan my surgery.  I will also have that PET scan somewhere in there (or maybe after August 3, I'm not sure yet).  If I remember correctly, the surgical oncologist needs to get the surgery done between Round 6 and the first time I have just the targeted drug.  I will need at least a week to recuperate from the surgery.  That means that I will likely have surgery (and recuperation) during the first few weeks of school.  As a teacher, I can tell you that those first weeks are critical and I hate to think of missing them.  But that may be what has to happen.  Please pray for my students and for my sub as you go through this summer - I would like for the year to begin well even if I can't be there.  At some point after surgery, I will begin radiation treatments which (as of now) are every day (five days a week) for five weeks.  These are in Santa Fe and take 15 minutes each.  My hope is that they can happen after school since it will otherwise mean being away from school for 2-2 1/2 hours each day for those five weeks.  That would mean completely missing at least 2-3 classes every day for 5 weeks.  Once again, this distresses me as a teacher - being gone that much from one class is unconscionable.  But I may have no choice.  Please pray that either things go smoothly with a sub for that long, or that it can be worked out for me to have the treatments after school.  

Okay - this is longer than the "short" I promised, but now you know what is left on this road called cancer for me.  Once next April rolls around, I hope to be through with all my treatments and declared "cancer-free."  Thank you for your continued care, concern, and prayers for me.  Please continue to pray for good health for me, and for stamina for Steve and the kids (and the rest of my family as well - it's not easy being a parent, sibling, or in-law dealing with this either).

I'll have more to say in a more devotional sense once school is out - I have two rattling around in my brain, but haven't had time to commit them to "paper" as of yet :)

I appreciate you guys - you are the wind beneath my wings!

Sherri

Verse of the Day - Timely as ever!!

Somehow I missed this verse, which was yesterday's verse of the day on my phone:

"If I should say, 'My foot has slipped,' Your lovingkindness, O Lord, will hold me up. When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul." Psalm 94:18-19

Today, a writer I follow, Glynnis Whitwer, wrote about how this verse spoke to her yesterday (which is also what made me realize I'd missed yesterday's verse somehow).  Among other things, she said:

"What we don’t know doesn’t change our lives. God’s Word, when we read it and apply it to our lives, has the power to change everything."

So here was my takeaway:

1. Yesterday, my foot was definitely slipping.  But even with having missed seeing this verse, I couldn't, and didn't, miss God's lovingkindness and consolations yesterday, provided by so many of you.  I received several beautiful cards with wonderful reminders of God's love and faithfulness; my cousin sent me a beautiful scarf she picked up when she participated in the Race for the Cure....it says, "Warriors in Pink" on the edge, and I will wear it with pride.  These were mailed before I'd even been to talk with the doc, but God in His infinite wisdom and timing knew I would need them yesterday... I would need the reminders that He still held the climbing rope, and He wasn't going to let me go.  And just in case those weren't enough reassurance, after the post went up, the friend who brought our meal spoke words of encouragement to Steve and I; my brother John sent me a text message simply telling me he loved me...so beautiful in its timeliness it brought me to tears; I received encouraging emails from friends reminding me they are praying, and God is faithful. I spent time on the phone with Lotti, who gave me a beautiful thought that was exactly what I needed at that moment (she is such an amazing young lady!!!), and I talked for a long time with Mom and Dad who continued to be the bulwarks of support they've been all along.  God used so many yesterday to remind me that though my foot may slip, He's not going to let me fall.  Thank you all for being so faithful to His leading when He prompts you to send a note of any kind...they do make a difference, and they always arrive at a time when I really need the reminder.

2. I loved the sentence Glynnis used - "What we don’t know doesn’t change our lives." On the surface, this sounds wrong, but what I took from it was that the things we don't know - like for me, whether this cancer is a 3 or a 4 - don't change who we are.  They don't change the trajectory of where we're going, even though it may feel and seem that way.  God knows, even when we don't, ALL that will happen in ALL our days - nothing is a surprise for Him even when it is for us.  His plan doesn't change even when we learn things that surprise, startle, shock, stun, or cause us to stagger.  We can take great comfort in that.  Her next sentence, "God’s Word, when we read it and apply it to our lives, has the power to change everything," gives us that perspective - His Word is what reminds us of how well in hand He has everything, even when we can't see it or perceive it.  What a mighty God we serve!!

In case you want to add the Verse of the Day to your phone, the app is YouVersion.  I love it!  They have the entire Bible in multiple translations, devotional reading plans in varying lengths of time, videos, and that wonderful verse of the day - all for free.  It is available for both Android and Apple (and maybe Windows too - I know I can get it on both my Android phone and my Kindle Fire), and is a wonderful 21st century method of accessing the Word whenever and wherever you are!  How cool is that??

I continue to be amazed at all God is teaching me, all He is using to remind me of His great faithfulness and ability to care for me.  As the verse said, "Your lovingkindness, O Lord, will hold me up....Your consolations delight my soul."  Amen, amen, and amen again!

So in love with our great and gracious God, so thankful for His abundant thoughts toward me,

Sherri

Biopsy....update??

So, I know you've all been wondering about the biopsy.  I haven't updated on that because there was really nothing to report.  And once there was something to report, life (as seen in the last post) got a bit busy last week.

Dr. Lorusso, my medical oncologist in Santa Fe (SF), emailed me last Tuesday to say that there had been a delay (I was supposed to have gotten results on Tuesday), and that I would have results on Wednesday.  On Thursday (when I was on the road to Tulsa), she sent the following email message: "Unfortunately results are not available.  Testing failed for technical reasons. Very frustrating; no more insight available as to the suspicious cells.  I will talk with Eric about next steps."  "Eric" is Dr. Bernstein, my Los Alamos (LA) medical oncologist.  I met with him this morning when I went in for the next round of chemo.  

Dr. Bernstein is no happier than Dr. Lorusso about the lack of specificity in the results.  He feels that the suspicious cells in the lymph nodes are cancerous, and he seems to be leaning toward calling this a Stage 4.  He said that he and Dr. L had talked with the pathologist, and that the dye test the path used didn't yield any better results.  He (the path) felt that he was seeing cancerous cells, but couldn't say for certain.  Dr. B has said that he will talk with "Karen Miller" who is a "well-known and respected breast cancer specialist" to see what she thinks.  When we discussed reasons why we would go ahead with a Stage 4 type treatment rather than a Stage 3 type treatment (carrying on with the current plan), he said that if it is Stage 4, this becomes a marathon rather than a sprint, and he doesn't want me "beat up" by the chemo, surgery, and radiation.  When I mentioned that the tumor seems to be responding, and asked about the PET scan at the end of the six cycles - if it would show whether or not the cancer was gone from the lymph nodes - he said he felt sure it would show it was gone at that point, and might even show that now, but he said that it is not a test that gives the kind of definitive specificity we need, that it's like trying to see if you've cleaned up all the grains of sugar you spilled on the kitchen floor this morning - from an airplane.  When I asked about another biopsy, he thought we might could do that, but he also thought it would be potentially good to have one of the lymph nodes in my neck removed to test it.  He kept saying that I am, unfortunately, in lots of gray areas.  

He repeated what Dr. L had said about all the new research, study, and debate about how to treat someone who is getting results like mine (not knowing if the cancer has spread to another area, particularly an area that is "in the neighborhood").  Although he first said that he feels pretty sure the cells in my lymph nodes are cancerous, he also said he doesn't feel it is a new cancer, but that the breast cancer has spread and become metastatic.  He did a manual exam of my neck, and he didn't feel anything - I mentioned that I hadn't been able to feel anything either, although just before the PET scan I had felt a small lump in my neck.  I told him that I'd had pretty bad allergies when the PET scan was done, but he said that usually when you have allergies, the lymph nodes on both sides of the neck fire.  I told him that while I know he's the doc, I also know that my allergies are always worse on the left side (the one that has/had the suspicious cells) of my head.  When we first discussed what would happen if we called this a Stage 4, he said we would be looking at how to keep me alive as long as possible and would treat this like a chronic disease.  When I asked for specifics, he first said that we would take off two of the drugs, and that there would be no surgery and no radiation.  When I expressed concerns about that, particularly since we were doing the chemo to shrink the tumor to do a lumpectomy, he backed off, and said that was a possibility.  But he is concerned about the radiation - he said that he would like to present this to the tumor board, and that he was particularly interested in what the radiation oncologist would have to say since they would be treating such a large area with radiation due to the number of lymph nodes involved (under my arm, center of my chest, and my neck) plus the breast. As we continued to talk, he said that a few years ago, there would have been no question that we would just call this a Stage 4.  But he said that the new drugs they are using for cancer now are so good, and the cancer responds so well, there is reason to think we could potentially continue to treat this like a Stage 3 and expect that I would be cured of cancer.  But he is obviously hesitant to make that call.  

I will be honest and say that I know how fast this tumor grew from the time I found it until we began chemo - in one month, it had more than doubled in size to that 6 x 5 cm.  I also know how quickly and how well it has responded to the chemo.  That makes me afraid to call this a Stage 4 since Dr. B is, at least initially, talking about taking off two of the drugs, no surgery, and no radiation.  Based on what I was told in the beginning and what I experienced in the exponential growth of the tumor, it frankly scares me to take away so much that seems to be doing so much good.  My biggest fear is that if we back off as much as Dr. B is suggesting right now that there won't be a marathon because this tumor will grow and the cells will spread so fast the whole thing will be done quickly.  I know there are legitimate reasons not to "hit it with all we've got," like the fact that they can't use the same drugs again if the cancer comes back, the amount of radiation we're talking about, and the fact that if it is discovered definitively later that this is Stage 4, we have less to work with.  Dr. B said that he wants to cure me if that's possible - but we can't know that for sure right now.

I would ask that you pray for wisdom for the doctors right now.  We are at a critical stage with this.  We continued with the status quo for today, but Dr. B said he will call me this week with some sort of answer as to how we are going to label this - Stage 3 or Stage 4 - and some sort of plan if we call it Stage 4.  

I have prayed from the beginning that God would receive glory through this, and that He would do something so amazing that it would be clear it was He who did it.  Maybe that's the reason for all this grayness - He's trying to bring this to a place where He is the only option for healing.  I would argue that that has always been the case, but maybe His plans extend beyond what I can imagine, as they often do.  All I can do is rest in His care right now, acknowledging again the words of Psalms 139 {italicized gray comments mine, to symbolize the gray areas I'm living in right now}:

O Lord, You have searched me and known me. {all of me, Father...}
² You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar. {even the scary thoughts, Lord}
³ You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. {all the ways the cancer is attacking, all the ways the chemo is attacking back....}
⁴ Even before there is a word on my tongue, {the cries for mercy, the cries for life....}
Behold, O Lord, You know it all.
⁵ You have enclosed me behind and before, {you have placed a hedge around me, and there is a limit to even what cancer can do to me....}
And laid Your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.

⁷ Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
⁸ If I ascend to heaven, You are there; {thank you, Father}
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. {thank you, Father}
⁹ If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, {no matter how high or how far, You are there...}
¹⁰ Even there Your hand will lead me, {lead those who will care for me, Father...show them the right path to take with my care}
And Your right hand will lay hold of me. {Your righteous and strong right hand...}
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,” {it feels a little like that right now, Lord}
¹² Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You. {this isn't at all scary to You, Father....I rest in Your security, in the fact that this gray darkness I see is not darkness to you at all}

¹³ For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; {even with cancer...}
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
¹⁶ Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; {the substance that is giving the doctors such fits right now...You can see it very well}
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me, {You know how many days I have left - whether that be years and years.... or not...}
When as yet there was not one of them.

¹⁷ How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them! {You have not forgotten me - you continue to remember my plight...}
¹⁸ If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. {I can rest in the fact that You have me squarely in the middle of Your "radar screen"}
When I awake, I am still with You.

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;

Try me and know my anxious thoughts; {for they are many, Father.....}
²⁴ And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way. {let nothing I do, and nothing I say, detract from You, oh my Father, my Redeemer, my Savior, my Lord.....this is ALL in Your omnipotent Hands....}

I pray that God has many more years for me here.  I pray that the doctors can come to a place of confidently calling this Stage 3, and that we can continue with the care plan we put in place before these "suspicious cells" that have proved so ornery and difficult to pin down came into the picture.  I feel as if I have so much living left to do...but I am trying not to place God in a box either.  If He is ready to call me Home, I have my house in order.  But I pray it is not time for me to go Home yet, that He will give me more years here to work for Him.  Regardless - I say with Job, "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” (Job 1:21)

Did someone pray for patience for me????  I think you can stop now....

Seeking Him, finding Him to be faithful and sovereign, good and gracious,
Sherri 

Photo Highlights of Week of May 4

Last week was really busy!  I'm glad it was my "strong" week!!  I had lots of catch-up to do in the three days I got to go to school, and then we headed out for Lotti's college graduation.  Here's a run-down of the week - Enjoy!!

Monday, I finally got to go back to school!  The kids left several things to greet me.  Each morning, I give them "wordles," puzzles on the board that use pictures to represent a common word or phrase.  So, when I came back, this is what they left for me:

Two of the girls had created this wordle for me.  It says "Welcome Back Mrs. Bublitz." If you can't figure it out, the word "welcome" is written backwards (welcome back), the first picture below that is a target where all the shots have missed (misses - Mrs.), then bubbles for the first part of Bublitz, Cousin It for the next part of Bublitz, and the Z for the final part of Bublitz - really creative!!

This was what the area around my desk looked like:

The flowers on the corner were a gift from one of the students; the banner says, "Welcome Back We Love You."  Here's a close-up of the yellow poster:

They divided it up into five sections and all the kids signed it in their class's section.  It was FULL!!  It was super-cool to come back to so many expressions of love :)

On Tuesday, Nate had his final District Band Concert.  This is the concert in which all the bands from around the district (5th grade beginning band through the high school band) play a couple of songs, then they all play The Star-Spangled Banner together.  It is always awesome to hear how the kids improve as they grow older, and this has become a highlight of the band season each year.  Nate's band (the high school band) played selections from Les Miserables and Lord of the Rings.  I couldn't get close-ups of Nate, but here's a picture of him in the band.

 He's the blond spike of hair third from the right in the black-garbed band.  The high school band wears all black for their concerts.  The colorfully dressed kids in front of them are the 6th graders from around the district.  Their shirts match their elementary school colors.

Wednesday, we prepared to leave for Tulsa for Lotti's graduation from the University of Tulsa.  Thursday, we drove to Tulsa.  This picture is blurry, but I was trying to show how green it is.  We were amazed by the depth of the green!!!  It's always more green than here, but with all the rain they've had, it was greener than we've seen it in awhile:

Friday, we started the day with a breakfast put on for the graduates and their families by the Arts and Sciences departments.  Here are Lotti, Steve, and Nate at the breakfast:

This was a full-fledged event - we had eggs, sausage and bacon, biscuits, gravy, lots of fresh fruit, yogurt, a selection of juices, and coffee.  Lotti and I were disappointed there was no tea, but the coffee was good :)

Here is Lotti with her adviser and 3rd Floor Supervisor (3rd Floor is where select juniors and seniors work with real-world clients on real projects.  It is quite an honor to get to be part of 3rd Floor!).  She introduced herself to us as "the slave driver" and was a fun lady to get to chat with :D :

Here is Lotti with her boss.  This is the woman she's worked for in the Art Dept.  She is a strong Believer, and has been a real support for Lotti, spending time praying with and for her as we've been going through the cancer:

Here are Lotti and I goofing off for the camera after these pictures were taken:

 Here is Lotti at her desk in the Art Dept. (the place where she's worked for the past four years):

Her office is right across from where the student art gallery is.  After breakfast, we headed over there to see the Senior Art Show.  Here are the pictures from that (the first one is what you see when you walk in, showing a photo of each senior with his/her name; the other is of Lotti with the work she selected to put in the show):

Next, we went to The Bell on campus.  The tradition is that you ring the bell after your last final your senior year.  Legend has it that if you ring it before that time, you will fail college, not find a job, and basically become a bum.  So, needless to say, the kids leave it alone until they have completed their last final their senior year.  Lotti had already rung the bell when she finished her last final, but we took a picture of her with the rope in hand anyway :):

Our lunch reservations weren't until 11:30, so we wandered campus to take more pictures to kill time.

Lunch was at a restaurant that Lotti really wanted us to try.  It was an Irish pub called Kilkenny.  When you Google "Kilkenny restaurant," it comes up with two locations: Tulsa and Dublin, Ireland!:

They had their exterior windows decorated with all kinds of paraphernalia like these pictures of Irish authors with "author-y" stuff around them.  Inside, it was similar, but so dark it was hard to get photos.  The room we ate in was like a library with lots and lots of books around the walls.

Steve and I split the Tullamore Dew Cheese Torte, described as "goat cheese and cream cheese layered with pesto and sun-dried tomatoes.  Topped with toasted almonds and served with brown bread crostini."  We also split a "Mooncoin Boxty."  The area on the menu above the boxty said that no woman could get her man if she couldn't fix her boxty.  A boxty is described as "a traditional Irish dish common to rural Ireland; a grilled potato pancake stuffed with your choice of homemade filling."  The Mooncoin's filling was "flaked salmon fillet, tomato hearts, and creamed leeks, topped with a buttery lemon dill sauce."  The waitress described it as being pretty small, but since we wanted to try the Torte (an appetizer, really), we decided to split the boxty too.  It was a good thing we did - here's what it looked like on my plate (and this is 1/2 a full boxty):

They also included a side of veggies, and those things that look like olives were actually grapes.  They had those on the side of the cheese torte too.  The boxty was really good!

After lunch, we went to see "Avengers: Age of Ultron" in a theatre in Tulsa that was amazing!  The seats are all - yes, ALL - recliners!!  If they weren't leather, they sure looked and felt like leather, and you could recline them pretty much as much as you liked.  There was a cup holder in the arm rest.  When you bought your ticket, they asked you to "reserve" your seat, and we got them at the back of the theatre.  When you sat down, you couldn't see anyone else below you.  Each aisle was separate, alone on one of the steps, so there was plenty of room to recline without hitting anyone else's chair.  Steve and I sat in one set of two (you had an arm rest in the sets of two that could be put up or left down) and Lotti and Nate shared another.  The large popcorn could be refilled for free when you purchased it, so we bought a large and then had Lotti go for refills when we needed them since she'd already seen the movie once.  It was a great way to spend an afternoon, and the movie was fantastic!  We decided all theatres should have this kind of set-up!!

After the movie, we took Lotti back to her apartment and we headed back to the hotel to meet Mom and Dad.

Friday was graduation.  Here are the highlights from that:

The Wind Ensemble of TU played several beautiful tunes as we waited for graduation to formally begin.  They also play Pomp and Circumstance as the graduates filed in.

The mace entered first.  The program said this about the mace: "The Grand Marshal of the ceremony carries the mace, a traditional symbol of authority that enhances academic ritual.  The cylindrical upper portion of the mace, constructed of pewter, is eight inches in diameter and is characterized by protruding die-formed shapes.  The flat areas contain hand-engraved surfaces, slowly and painstakingly applied in order to achieve a sparkling, jewel-like quality.  Semi-precious stones, black onyx in particular, are bezel set on the surface of the pewter.  The University of Tulsa seal suspends above the whole form and is the highest point of the mace.  In all, the upper portion of the mace exhibits a formal quality.  The handle, or shaft, is turned from cocobolo, a dense, exotic hardwood that provides dramatic contrast between dark and light lines.  The wood is rich in color; an elegant red-orange-brown.  The mace is approximately four feet in length, from top to bottom."  Steve said they also carried this in at the beginning of Lotti's freshman year when they did Freshman Orientation.  It's pretty cool!!

Here's a better shot of the mace from the program.

The professors filed in behind the mace and line up on either side of the center aisle.  

Next, the graduates filed in, coming between the "gauntlet" of their professors.  You saw some of the students stopping to hug certain professors.  I know Lotti has said that there is a family feel to the campus, and particularly to your specific college.  They really get to know one another well.  There were only eight seniors getting their BFA, and only six of those were part of the ceremonies (one graduated in December, and there was something else with the other one, so although eight were in the Senior Art Show, only six were in the ceremony).  You see everyone standing - that's what we all know we should do in order to honor the graduates.  But oddly, the program asked that everyone stay seated for the processional and recessional.....

Once all graduates were seated, the chaplain began the ceremonies with prayer.

Lotti is in this bunch.  Can you find her??  It took us awhile (and a text), but we found her and she found us :)  Hint: the guy sitting in the chair with his back to the camera was a sign language interpreter.  Lotti is in the row three back from him (as in, the third row of students he would be looking at) in not quite the middle.  She's wearing glasses.  If I knew how to make a circle on the picture to make it clearer to you, I would do that :)  She was excited because she got to sit by her friends rather than being in alphabetical order.

Stuart Crum, 1982 TU alum, was the Commencement Speaker.  He is the chairman and president of Bridgestone Retail Operations.  He was entertaining and gave a great message on what three things are most important to succeed in life.  As a speech coach, I was very impressed that he gave such a great persuasive speech, using all the elements I teach my students!

Here she is lining up to get her diploma.  They called them up by college.  She's behind the girl whose orange skirt hangs below her robe.

Here she comes across the stage!!  The students each handed a name card to the name readers.  The lady who read Lotti's name actually pronounced it right - we were pleasantly surprised!  Lotti said when they had Senior Orientation (when they picked up their robes, etc, since they don't do a practice), they gave the reader their name and told her how to pronounce it.  Lotti graduated Magna Cum Laude (which they also announced), and we are very proud of her and her accomplishment!!

Getting that diploma she's worked so hard for from the President of TU!! 

Exiting the stage

Each college entered and exited behind a flag giving the name of their college.  This was Lotti's.

Can you find Lotti?  We watched the jumbo-tron throughout portions of the ceremony (it really made things easier), and managed to find her as she left.  She's close to the bottom left corner, in her glasses :)

The proud graduate!

Proud graduate with family :)

Proud graduate with grandparents!

Okay - I did not take this one, so I don't know what we are doing, but I am pretty sure Mom is not giving me a Heil Hitler....

Again, I think Steve was having fun with my phone here....Nate looks like he's embarrassed to be seen with us....or maybe it's just that he's the "holder of the purses" :D  Lotti looks like she's telling Steve to stop already with the pictures....

Once again, no clue, but whatever it was, it sure had Lotti and I's attention!  The button I'm wearing is the one we (PTO) made up for all the 6th grade graduates at Chamisa.  It is a baby picture of the graduate.  I wore it last when Lotti graduated from LAHS.  I have Nate's to wear in a couple of weeks :)

We ate lunch at P.F. Chang's, then changed and headed out.  We decided to do the trip back in two days rather than one so that we got home a bit earlier on Sunday.  These are some of the sky scenes we had as we went home.  Tulsa was really getting hit by the weather, and these were taken as we approached Oklahoma City.  Once we got there, the weather pretty well petered out, but it sure made for some dramatic photos!

It was a marvelous trip, and we were very blessed to be able to go!  Lotti is still looking for a job, so please pray with us that she will find just the spot God wants her to be in.  She has several leads (the other two jobs fell through), but has to follow up on them, which she will be doing today and this week.  She managed to get an extension on her housing (she was supposed to be out yesterday since it's student housing), and we are praying that she'll be able to find the job before the end of these next two weeks.  If not, Steve will travel back out to pick her up and bring her home, and she'll continue looking from here.  Lotti feels strongly that God is leading her to stay in Tulsa, and the job leads she has are in the Tulsa area.  Please pray with us that one of these will pan out before the end of the housing deadline.  Whatever happens, she'll be home for Nate's graduation in a couple of weeks.

Thankful for fun stuff and the energy to enjoy it fully,
Sherri

Lessons from Hair

So - last night in the shower as I was rinsing my hair, it began coming out by handfuls.  When I got out and began to comb it, it did the same.  To give you some idea, it was like removing 10 times the number of hairs you usually get when you either wash your hair or comb it.  Even running my hand through it to help it dry made my hand come away with lots of hairs.  It was obvious that it was time for my buzz cut.

The original idea was for me to go see Katy when I needed my buzz cut.  But since I knew this needed to be done last night, there wasn't time for me to go see Katy.  I came into the living room and told Steve I needed him to do it.  He was pretty nervous, but after we talked it through, he agreed.  Here's the result: 

 

My first thought upon seeing my haircut for the first time was, "Who IS that old woman???"  It's amazing how much your hair covers up!  My second thought was, "I let my husband near my head with buzzing sharp blades - and came away unscathed!!"  He did a good job.  

You won't be seeing this 'do much - I am finding out why guys like this cut in the summer - it is very, very cool!  That would be great for hot summertime, but the temperatures are not anywhere near that here yet.  So I am wearing something on my head at all times right now to keep from getting cold.

All this focus on hair got me to thinking.  I tried doing a Google search for how many times "hair" is mentioned in the Bible, but never could get a number.  I do know that in my own recollection, it comes up a significant number of times.  For Samson and Absalom, hair was their downfall; an unnamed woman in the New Testament used hers along with her tears to clean Jesus' feet.  It's mentioned numerous times in the books of law in the Old Testament, and Paul talked a lot about women's hair specifically in several of his letters.   Proverbs 16:31 says that "Gray hair is a crown of glory."  Nazarites didn't cut their hair in order to show that they were set apart for God.  

But maybe the best known verse on hair is Matthew 10:30.  It says, "But the very hairs of your head are numbered."  The next verse says, "So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows." The context is Jesus teaching the disciples about discipleship, giving them instructions on how to go out and proclaim His message.  From verse 24 through verse 31, Jesus uses the word "fear" three different times, which seems to indicate that He knew what He was asking them to do was not easy for them.  He was trying to reassure His disciples that although He knew the task ahead would be hard, there was nothing for them to fear.  And while He could have used any metaphor He liked, He chose to use hair.

Jesus would have been familiar with all those Old Testament references mentioned earlier.   By using hair as one of His examples here, Jesus was doing what He does so well - using something people were very familiar with and something they had contact with every day - their own hair.  

I've always read this verse to mean that God knew even the most mundane details about me - that He cared enough about me to know and number the "very hairs of [my] head."  And while I don't disagree with that idea, having cancer has made me look at this verse in another light.  I believe that He is reminding me, as He did the disciples, that although I am facing something hard, there is nothing to fear.  I believe He is also reminding me that even as I lose my hair, He still knows how many hairs have fallen out and how many will come back in.  He knows that even though it's somewhat mundane, hair still matters.  And He says loud and clear, "I know.  I know how you feel about your hair.  I know how you like the fact that it keeps you warm.  I know you like having it long and being able to do different things with it.  I know it feels strange to you to be without it.  I know that having it fall out is a definitive, non-ignore-able reminder that you have cancer.  And I know that sometimes scares you.  I know - because I know YOU, My child."

And as I listen, I realize that part of what He is trying to communicate through Jesus' words in Matthew is the fact that whatever it is that gives us comfort, He can give better.  Whatever it is that brings us a feeling of normalcy, He can bring more.  Whatever it is that makes us feel "part of the crowd" rather than "sticking out like a sore thumb," He understands, and He never allows us to stand alone.  And ultimately, whatever tough thing we are facing, whether it's going out to face a crowd that doesn't want to listen to our message or fighting cancer, we have nothing to fear.  He is there, and He is able to give us all we need as we face the things that try to scare us.  

So instead of seeing my lack of hair as a reminder of cancer, I am choosing to see my lack of hair as a reminder of God's constant care, of His Word that tells me I have nothing to fear.

And that one bad thing, one good thing?  One bad thing - little to no hair means you are going to be much cooler.  One good thing - you get to wear really awesome hats anytime you want :)

One more thing - I am extremely thankful for the timing on this.  It didn't happen when I was dealing with all the stomach bug stuff.  It didn't happen when I was feeling so weak.  It didn't happen while we were in Tulsa.  It happened at a time and in a place where I could get it taken care of quickly and build a memory for Steve and I.  God continues to bless us with grace throughout this process.

Who knew something as mundane as hair could hold so many lessons?

Thankful to serve an extremely creative God,

Sherri